The longest 11 days

18 days ago Jason left for India. On day two, I woke up and my laptop wouldn’t let me log in. What ensued was craziness. Jason is my tech support in all things, and he wasn’t here. My brother did his best remotely and my computer limped along for a few days, but with each day it got worse. Luckily my blackberry, a tiny little thing I can put in the pocket of my jeans, connected me to the world.

I still had email, I could text, and Jason could call me if the time was right. It still boggles my mind that on day three I sat at Noah’s baseball practice on a sunny Sunday and talked to my husband on the other side of the world like he was down the street. Pretty cool. But he wasn’t down the street. He was on the other side of the world, and somewhere in between, on day six, a volcano in Iceland decided to erupt. Excuse me?

After a long week of being the single parent, on day eight, our phone rang at seven in the morning and it was Jason telling me what we had feared. He was stuck. The plane he had hoped to get on later in the day was grounded in Germany. He was in the corporate travel office where three Indian employees were all working frantically to find flights home for Jason and two colleagues. One would be sent the other direction around the globe, through the Far East to the west coast, whereas the Jason and his boss would try to avoid the volcanic ash by going further south through Dubai, then over to Washington, DC. If all went as planned, he would get home two days late, on my 39th birthday. Day eleven.

I prepared for another weekend alone with the kids, and my sister came up to spend time with us. She took us out for a birthday lunch a day early, day ten. She even made sure the kids had a card for me, and that the waiters and waitresses sang to me. It still wasn’t right though.

On day eleven, I woke up alone and a year older. Alanya did her best reminding me over and over “You aren’t old, you’re young!” Somehow she didn’t convince me. Since Friday I had been dealing with the realization that no matter what we did, Jason was stuck on the other side of the world. It wasn’t a very good feeling. And until he came home, or at least was talking to me from American soil, I wouldn’t be happy.

First an email from Washington, DC, but they missed their connection. Then, an email from Boston. Finally, a phone call from the car. 2pm on my birthday I walked into the house to find a freshly showered, utterly exhausted husband, and it was the best birthday present ever.

All in all he was gone eleven days, but I can’t remember the last time we were apart that long. Too long. Reminds me of the summer he lived in Chicago and I was in Tunisia for nearly three months. Back then, Skype was only on the Jetsons, email was non-existent, and calling was still “long distance.” After that summer, we said never again, and we were engaged weeks later. Although I’m happy Jason had this experience to go to India, and I was happy to have the time with the kids, it served as a reminder of why we entered this marriage in the first place. We don’t want to spend another day apart from one another.

Mystery Containers

I've been home sick with a cold for a few days, and I just opened the fridge to see what was hiding in the back. I pulled out a container of green beans, and knowing that I didn't serve them to Jason's mom who arrived a week ago, I opened them up and took a sniff. Problem is, I can't smell a thing. I'm stuffed up like a Build a Bear Workshop animal.

It appears I have two options. Throw everything in question away. Or, when Jason comes home, say "I think this stuff may be bad, will you smell it?"

For our entire marriage, Jason constantly points out to me how ridiculous it is for me to eat something, make a face and say, "I think this is bad. Try it."

Guess I'm throwing the stuff away. It only took me 14 years of marriage to figure out the answer to that question!

So much to do, so little time!

Today it will be almost 90 degrees, I have to put together some meals for our vacation next week, we are hosting a gaggle of little girls for Alanya's 7th birthday celebration, and... oh yeah... it's our anniversary! How come after 14 years the most important sometimes gets pushed to the last thing on the list?

We'll be going out to celebrate tonight, but until then I have a huge list to tackle. Looking forward to 4:30 when Jason said he will be sneaking out of work. I wish I had time to write an ode to my husband, or perhaps a sonnet, but I have to get on with my day! So instead, here is a link to the first post I ever did on this blog. Happy anniversary Jason. I look forward to the next fourteen years. I absolutely do.

The motorcycle

If you haven't heard, Jason is getting a motorcycle. I know all the reactions by now, the shaking of the head, the eye rolls, the quick intake of breath. I know them, I've done them, I've seen you all do them.

For ten years I did my best to foil his intentions and I gave him every argument in the book on why this was a bad idea. I won't regurgitate them all here as we all know them. For the record, crying doesn't work and neither does screaming or calling him names. A few months ago he said he was going to do it. Period.

By this point I am tired. I'm tired of fighting. There are so many other things that could be wrong in our marriage, I gave up. That doesn't mean I'm not upset or scared or angry, but I'm done. I told him to increase his life insurance, and that I was done fighting. He did, and we are.

When I started to share this news of the impending bike with my friends, everyone of them confirmed what I was feeling, except for one. I was floored when my friend Becca said to me, "Laura, think of the joy you can bring Jason by giving him your blessing to fulfill his lifelong dream of having a motorcycle?" Huh? Becca's words, although not what I wanted to hear, made me stop in my tracks. And she's right.

So Jason has started shopping. I still haven't gotten to the point of showing enthusiasm when he shows me used motorcycles on Craigs List, but I'm trying. Now I'm just hoping that when he finally is on his bike, and I see his joy, that I feel it too.

Embracing the teaching moments.. even the difficult ones

Any pediatrician or experienced parent will tell you that you need to grasp onto "teaching moments" when they present themselves. Some subjects aren't always regular dinner talk, take divorce for example. Jason and I will be happily married 14 years next month, and my parents just celebrated their 46th anniversary. So how do you explain something like divorce? When the moments present themselves.

Each of our kids have had an "aha" moment when they realized Jason's parents must have known each other at one time. Grandpa lived here, Grandma lived there and it took awhile before they put two and two together. When Alanya was about three or four years old, Jason's mom was visiting and we were at a baseball game. Jason's father arrived at the field, and Alanya excitedly said "Grandma, I want you to meet my Grandpa!" She was just so excited for two people she loved so much to finally meet. It was sweet and sad all at the same time. That was a moment.

After that incident, once Alanya figured it out, she was obsessed with the idea that Grandma and Grandpa used to be married. In her world of Disney princesses and magical weddings, things like divorce never came after the happily ever after. She would sit on Grandpa's lap and ask him questions about Grandma. Where did they meet? Where did they live? Grandpa answered her, always short and sweet. Once when we were visiting Grandma, Alanya followed her around at her heels asking "but what was your dress like at the wedding?" It was all her way of wrapping her head around the "D" word. Since then, my brother has divorced, Jason's aunt has divorced, there are friends with step-dads and step-moms - each of these small moments for understanding.

Lately there has been a new layer added. Alanya and Ben have put two and two together and have figured out that Jason was a child of divorced people. I know it seems simple, but for them to imagine their daddy as a little boy with parents living apart has been slow coming. To understand what it must be like for children of divorce is not always easy to comprehend, especially when it's your dad. Recently though we have had a new learning moment present itself. Jon and Kate.

For those who haven't heard of Jon and Kate Gosselin (have you been living under a rock?), they are the parents of twins and sextuplets who have been the stars of a successful reality TV show. In the beginning, Jason and I would both watch the show if we stumbled across it. The kids were typical kids and ran the parents ragged, the parents would bicker and be exhausted, and we would thank our lucky stars that our life wasn't nearly as crazy as the Gosselins. About a year ago, my kids started watching the show and enjoyed seeing the eight kids go to an amusement park, or visit a museum, but in the last six months something has happened. The marriage of Jon and Kate has fallen apart on national television with my kids watching. It was rumored that last night they were going to announce they were divorcing (they did) and I told Jason I thought I should watch the show first to see if it was inappropriate for the kids to see. As soon as I said it and I saw Jason's eyes, I wished I could take it back. Since when is divorce "inappropriate"? It is his life. We watched the show together so that we could discuss it with the kids... another teaching moment.

Today while driving, I asked the kids what they thought of the show. At first no one really said anything, but slowly they started to open up. Ben wanted to know if Jon and Kate had told the kids yet, because for him he can put himself in their place and empathize with the kids. Noah said he wished they announced it would be the last show so that the family could have privacy and they could try to work out their problems. Alanya said "I think they shouldn't be sharing their feelings on public television." At six years old she has a better grasp of the situation than all the adults involved in making that show.

I don't know if my kids will continue to watch Jon and Kate, but maybe it will show them that families with divorced parents can still have happy times and still have love. And if not, I'm sure there will be more teaching moments down the road that will get them there.

Happy 40th Birthday!

It was a beautiful May day when this gorgeous guy was born 40 years ago.

The hair got even longer, and he got even cuter if that was possible.

Then the unthinkable happened... he became a teenager in the 80's!

Luckily it's not the size of the hair, or the number of years that matters, it's the Happy.

I love you!

Happy Birthday to Me!

I was 5. I was in my favorite outfit, a blouse with denim gauchos and a matching vest. The party was at Papa Gino's and I got to go in the kitchen and make my own pizza. The cake had jelly beans all over it, my mother must have snagged a deal on clearance candy after Easter. And I got a Super Star Barbie. The first time I can remember wishing for a certain gift, and I actually got it. Like my wish really did come true!

Back then who would have thought that 33 years later I'd spend my day with my family, racing out of church afraid we'll be late for our baseball game. Sitting in the sun while my two little ones buy too much candy from the concession stand, and my oldest strikes out three batters. My husband buying flowers and a cake and taking us out for dinner. That little girl never could have imagined how it would turn out. Like a wish really did come true!

Happy Birthday to me.

The wedding guest

When I was six years old my family moved from Massachusetts to Texas. As I look back now as an adult I realize how huge this was because my parents had never lived more than a 20-30 minute drive from my grandparents. Every time we'd say goodbye after a visit the tears would flow. All we had were letters and phone calls, but back then "long distance" was expensive. There was nothing called unlimited minutes, or "friends and family". Later when I was studying overseas it was a similar story. Email was non-existent and every other Sunday my parents would call me at 7pm my time. If I missed the call, forget it, I'd have to wait another two weeks. We have come a long way in the last seventeen years, but I didn't realize exactly how far until our most recent trip to Seattle.

Last weekend every member of Jason's family found themselves in Seattle for his cousin's wedding. Everyone that is except for one very important person... Grandma. At 89 she is the matriarch and inspiration for all of us. Active in her community even today, she didn't begin to slow down until a few years ago when she survived a stroke. So she doesn't ride her bike or go hiking anymore, but she still enjoys each day. The day after the election Jason spoke to her and she told him some people had encouraged her to use an absentee ballot so she wouldn't have to battle potential crowds. Are you kidding? Grandma insisted on going to the polls. It was an exciting day and she wanted to experience it. A trip across town to vote is one thing, but a cross-country flight from New Jersey to Seattle would be too much. Grandma wouldn't be at the wedding.

Jason's aunt had other plans though. Before she left for Seattle she set up her laptop in Grandma's living room. Then the night of the wedding she and her daughter set up a second computer in the ballroom. With the assistance of a family friend that helps care for Grandma, a Skype call was successfully placed, and there she was. Grandma was at the wedding! As each guest arrived, they went over to the computer and said hello to Grandma. She was like an actual guest, except sitting on a table and resembling a MacBook. Shortly before the ceremony started the rabbi came up to us and asked about the laptop, and for a brief moment I was afraid he would tell us it wasn't appropriate for a religious ceremony. Instead he wanted to suggest that we move it to the front row so that Grandma could get a better view!

The wedding began, and as the bride and her parents walked down the aisle a cousin held the laptop up for Grandma to see. The bride smiled into the computer and waved, and when Grandma beamed and waved back the tears started flowing all around. Jason's aunt had done it. Grandma was at the wedding. No wedding is complete without a family portrait, so here it is.

If you look really close, you can see Jason on the laptop screen taking the picture. What a wonderful thing technology can be when it really can make a difference. Who needs "long distance" when you can actually be there??

Keeping him on his toes.

What do you do when you are driving through an obscure plaza parking lot and you see your husband's car parked in front of a restaurant nowhere near his office? First you pull over and look in the car to make sure you aren't dreaming. Then you do what I did. Park. Put on lipstick. Fix your hair. And you go in to see who the heck your husband is having lunch with.

Don't act all shocked. You would do the same thing. Granted, after my initial horror I remembered Jason said he was going to go out to lunch with a fellow co-worker visiting from Texas. And it was one of his favorite restaurants, so I shouldn't have been all that surprised. But still. What was the name of the other person??? Chris??? Was that Christopher or Christine?? So I did what any woman would do. I went in to find out.

I spied them in a quiet, secluded booth in the corner. I walked up to the table and Jason's guest looked at me with a "who is this crazy woman?" face. I smiled and said "Hi, I'm Jason's wife." You should have seen the look on Jason's face. Priceless. It's not like we live in a tiny town, just a very very odd coincidence that I was at the same place at the same time. We had a good laugh, and once Jason recovered he slid over for me to join them. I didn't stay long, but just chatted with them for a few minutes. Turns out the other guy grew up in the same town I did when I was little and went to school with my older brothers and sisters. Small world.

Small world indeed. Better watch your back! Wifey is watching!